4 down, 14 to go!

Today was treatment #4 out of 18 total. It was my first time with the new drug, Cisplatin. The nice lady from the chemo pharmacy came to talk to me about it. She said she likes to group the chemo drugs into 3 categories - those that cause "mild" nausea, those that cause "medium" nausea, and those that cause "high" nausea. Guess which one the Cisplatin is in - Bingo! "HIGH" nausea!! She said the Carboplatin is in the "mild" nausea group (could've fooled me!) and she was disappointed they weren't going to try it one more time - a "challenge treatment" she called it, to make sure the reaction last week wasn't a fluke. I don't know, I'm not the doctor and I don't get paid the big bucks to know the risks. But I do know that typically second allergic reactions tend to be more severe than the first ones and anaphylaxis is a possibility with Carboplatin. I REALLY wasn't too excited about suffocating and passing out, especially since I was in the same cubicle as last week - creeped me out a little bit!

I have read that they can infuse the carbo much slower to reduce the risk of reaction, but I really think I'd just rather try the cisplatin if it's just as good. Even though everyone I've talked with has told me to expect "a significant change in the amount of stomach upset" with the cisplatin - but hey, maybe I will feel even better afterward! What? Don't laugh, anything is possible! I know, I know . . . even when I told the nice pharmacy lady this optimistic prediction, she just gave me a patronizing smile as if saying, "oh little child, what a lollipop and rainbow world you must live in!"

But I did get new anti-nausea drugs. One is a patch that works like the Zofran but in continual doses. I'm supposed to put it on my upper arm the night before chemo and leave it on for the week. The only problem was I couldn't get it until this morning. Yesterday, CVS and Ingles didn't have it since it's very new. Lakeside did have it, but they were closed by the time it got called in. So I went in early this morning to get it and put it on just before the chemo started. It may have been too late to work this time, but a little late is better than never at all!!

The other drug is a pill, actually 3 pills, called Emend. It was made to work specifically with Cisplatin and is supposed to be pretty good. I took one the morning of chemo and the other two for the next two mornings. We'll see how it goes . . . I have plenty of lemons (thanks, Melissa and Bart!) and ginger ale, just in case!

I have to add this . . . when the pharmacist handed me the bag which was oh, maybe the size of a ziploc sandwich bag, he said I didn't have a copay at this time. But, the bag was holding about $1000 worth of medicine. Shut Up!! So glad I have insurance. But you know, lots of insurance have a lifetime cap on the amount they will pay. I need to call and find out if mine does and what that cap is . . . and how close I am getting to it!

The treatment went by without a hitch, Thank You God! I had the VIP cubicle again, extra big with a window and next door to the bathroom. But I didn't have my same nurse, Rosemary. Instead I had a super cute Russian redhead named Lucy who had a great accent and sense of humor. Rosemary came by to say hello and chat for a minute. And when I would see her walking by she would give me a sad little wave. I felt like a cheating spouse! I thought about explaining to her that it wasn't my fault, that these things happen beyond our powers, that I still preferred her but I was just exploring some other options. I wasn't ready for a complete separation and if she was willing, we could try it again next time. We'll see what happens . . . maybe I should bring flowers and candy just in case, what do you think?

This new treatment with the Cisplatin does take longer. They have to give me an extra bag of fluids with potassium and magnesium since the drug can cause kidney damage. So that adds an extra 2 hours, ugh! But the time does end up going by faster because I am constantly getting up to pee every 5 minutes! Good thing I'm in the VIP room! The only glitch is when they put in the floor for the infusion center, they used thresholds in the doorways that are raised a little. So getting the IV pole over that little bump can be a challenge. Especially, when you are loopy from Benadryl, like I was. Today, Lucy caught my pole just as it was nosediving into the toilet! I was busy concentrating on my own feet that I didn't notice all of the 6 wheels weren't all the way inside the door. What a mess that would've been, might have even pulled out my IV, eewww!

I was so thankful today that the Benadryl worked beautifully! Not much restlessness, but lots of sleepiness. I was able to take a lovely nap for an hour or two. Lucy brought me a pillow and warm blanket and off to lalaland I went. Which was very good considering the steroids were going to keep me up all night. Time check - 12:25am and not even sleepy. Guess I'll keep writing . . .

My biggest complaint lately has been my throat, it's killing me. The girls both went to the dr yesterday, and although the rapid strep test came back negative for both, the dr was convinced when she looked at each one's throat. Caroline's is horrible!! She can't eat hardly anything without it hurting. I let them both get their own quart of ice cream and eat it whenever they want, at least they'll be keeping up their calories. But they hate it that I'm making them brush their teeth extra, hee! hee! hee! (evil mom laugh).

So I keep panicking that my throat is hurting with strep. I keep looking with a flashlight and I can't see the telltale red polka dots, so I figure it's just the radiation effects. It hurts way down in my throat near my collarbone and that's where they "beamed" me. I actually have pretty bad radiation burn across my chest. It itches, but burns if I scratch it, a lot like a sunburn with sores. I have a cream to use and it's getting better. Just the sore throat is my biggest problem. I can eat a few bites of something, but then it starts hurting too bad and I have to stop. I've been eating quick little snacks throughout the day and taking Advil/Motrin religiously!

In fact, this afternoon I came home from treatment AT 5:15!!! I love my sister! She kept the girls all day for me not realizing it was going to be so long!! Anyway, after I came home, I took a nap. When I woke up, my throat was hurting worse so I went to get the Motrin and found only 2 left! Yikes, how was I going to make it through the night with only 2?! I did NOT feel like driving to the store, so I called our angels, the Maiello's, up the street. They had a bottle, so I sent Caroline to go borrow some. After changing into a brand new outfit complete with matching hat (gosh, I dread the teen years!), she set off. As I was watching her from the window, I noticed two little dogs running loose in someone's yard. I thought, what a coincidence! Someone else in the neighborhood has a little brown dog and a little white dog just like us! Wait a second . . . those ARE OUR DOGS!!! Penny!!! Cisco!!! Get your BEE-hinds back in the fence, NOW!!! I still have no idea how they got out, or rather how Penny got out. She's always the instigator and Cisco just follows along. I know how to teach 4- and 5-years old how to think for themselves and make the right choices, but what about puppies?! Can't really ask them to "use your words!" Woof, woof!!

Okay, time check - 12:48am, need to wrap this up. Before I do, I want to say a huge THANKS to Melissa and Bart! My yard looks amazing!! And dinner was delicious!! Thank you for all the extras, that was really sweet!

Strep!

So - Caroline and Rachel Rose both have strep throat! Not confirmed, but just by looking I can see the telltale signs. Caroline has been running a fever, Rachel Rose not yet. Tomorrow I plan to take them both to the doc before I have my blood drawn. And John, who is still in NC, is now thinking his sore throat and headache may be related. If I get sick from them, then it will be no chemo for me on Thursday. The blood tests will decide.

I heard back from Dr. S today and he has decided to change my chemo from the Carboplatin (which I reacted to) to Cisplatin. The nurse told me it's just as good, except it has more side effects. She said to expect more nausea. Super. She prescribed an anti-nausea patch that I will wear for a week. It's supposed to be stronger than the Zofran I was taking. Let's hope so!

I want to say a huge thanks to everyone who offered to help with the yardwork. We have it covered - thank you, Bart and Melissa!!! And a yummy thank you to Elizabeth. Dinner was delicious and so were the 31 bags!!! You really shouldn't have, but I do LOVE them!

I wish I could fly

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to fly? The particular reason I am contemplating this superpower is that I have begun to dread my stairs. The chemo exhaustion is at its peak. I can barely walk through the house without taking breaks. The stairs are like Mount Everest. If a need arises that requires me to ascend them, for example, taking a shower, I first weigh the absolute necessity of the task - take a whiff of myself. Then I consider how long it could be put off - have the houseplants begun to wilt. If it truly is urgent, I then sit for a minute and collect all the other reasons I have to go upstairs - bring a daughter some toilet paper (she's only been sitting there for half an hour), turn off the alarm clock that's been buzzing, feed the hamster, and maybe throw down some laundry. Multi-tasking at its best.

So then I'm off, hoping I can reach the summit without oxygen. The first steps aren't too bad and thankfully, we have 2 landings that break up the climb. I take advantage of each one by flopping face down when I reach them to catch my breath. The last leg is achieved by crawling on hands and knees, but finally, I make it to the top! I pull myself over the last step and collapse in a huffing and puffing fit. Victory is sweet and I only wish I had a flag to stick to the handrail.

After a few minutes, I finally catch my breath or I fall asleep which happens too often. I'm able to stand up and complete my tasks. Mission accomplished!

Then the doorbell rings - dangit!

My church

I hate to say it, but honestly, we are not regular church-goers. It's not that I don't want to be. I actually get a lot of inspiration from the messages and soak up the atmosphere of a beautiful sanctuary. I really can't give any good excuses for not going to church regularly, except to say that I get as much, if not more, inspiration and peace from a quiet Sunday morning in my backyard. I love my backyard, my deck particularly. Sitting outside with my flowers, the birds, my dogs, the occasional daughter that wanders out with me - it's church to me. I can look out at the lake through the trees or the blue sky above and feel the strongest connection with God and all His glory. When there's a breeze I feel like He's reaching out to me. I talk with Him while I'm out here. I pour out my worries and we work on the best way for me to handle them. I also pour out my thanks for all the good He has done in my life. It is my sanctuary, my haven, my favorite place to be - it's my own personal church. And I'm so glad it's in the shade! :-)

This weekend has been good. The extra dose of steroid I received on Thursday to counteract the allergic reaction put me on a high that lasted until Saturday! I went for 36 hours with 3 hours sleep. My last radiation treatment was Friday morning (woo hoo!) and afterward the girls and I celebrated by going to the movies and then shopping. I gotta say, 3D animated kids movies are so much more entertaining when you're tripping on drugs! Not that I'm recommending that!!

The nausea has been practically nil this time (again, thank you extra drugs!), but I've had a twinge here and there just enough to keep me from having the raging appetite that normally comes with the steroids. I was expecting my hair to begin coming out this weekend based on my first experience. But nope, not yet. What if it magically doesn't fall out this time?! What if I am the rare case that loses all of it the first time, but none at all during the second? Not likely, but one can hope . . . I've got a couple headcovers ready and waiting.

So John is going to be gone all week most likely. Big week at the club - "Member Guest Tournament"!! I remember early in our marriage, when we first began experiencing the "Member Guest" phenomenon. I had no idea what I had signed up for. It's like the Master's on steroids! Busy, stressful, busy, exhausting, and busy! But it always ends with a big, fancy dinner where I get to wear a pretty dress and have a date with my sweetie. Small price to pay for time alone with my hottie husband! The bad thing is the dinner is on Saturday and that's usually my "yucky day" after my Thursday treatment, so I probably won't be able to make it this year. Makes me sad, especially since it's a great opportunity to spend an evening with our amazing Cullasaja family who have been so wonderful to us. I guess I'll send my best regards to them through John and we'll have a date night some other time. Or, I could ask for extra steroids during my treatment again and go anyway flying high as a kite!!!

But this brings me to the yardwork. Since John is not available this week, I would like to ask if anyone can refer us to a lawn company that could do a one-time mow and trim? Just the basics, nothing fancy, we just want to keep the grass below the dogs' nose levels! Thanks!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

3rd treatment

Third treatment was today. And I'm sorry to say it was bad, reeeaal BAD! I woke up this morning feeling great, had the girls taken care of for the day, got all my favorite things packed (thank you, Alecia, the fruit plate was perfect for chemo snacking!), I was not dreading anything. I got there and Rosemary was my nurse again, we got to chatting while she hooked up all my poisons. The Benadryl hit me pretty hard. I could NOT be still. I had ice bags on my fingers and toes and I didn't want to move them. Oh, I haven't explained about the ice, have I? Okay, quick tangent -
I learned recently that this weekly regimen of Taxol can cause your nails to fall out as well as your hair. I know, gross! Actually, it causes the nail to separate from the skin and then it gets caught on stuff and rips off. I know, double gross!! Well, I read from another chemo patient's message board post that icing your fingers and toes during the infusion helps keep them from coming off. Apparently, the cold slows the blood flow to them and the Taxol going in doesn't affect them as much. Now, I'm thinking if you had cancer in your fingers or toes, icing would not be a smart thing. But seeing as my fingers and toes are healthy, I thought I'd give it a shot. I even considered wearing ice in a hat for my hair and a cold gel mask for my eyelashes and eyebrows! Maybe next time . . .
So for my second treatment last week, I brought frozen peas. They would stay cold longer than ice. When I got there and explained to Rosemary what my plans were, she said they have ice bags there she could get for me. Again, lap of luxury! So she put the peas in their freezer, which I left behind, of course! Today, when I went in, Rosemary winked and said she had some peas for me!
Anyway, back to today . . . there I am with ice bags on my toes and fingers trying not to squirm. Finally, I couldn't stand it and got up to take a tour of the bathrooms. They have three and I'd only visited one up until that point. So off I go, well, after unplugging my IV pump and pulling it along with me. Do you know how bad I want to skateboard on that thing?! It has 6 wheels!! Anyway, after visiting a couple new potties, I came back to my recliner and was able to watch TV a little. I just hoped the ice was on long enough for today.
When the Taxol finished, Rosemary came to start the other drug, Carboplatin (insert dramatic horror music here). I was feeling less jittery and lay back to relax for this last leg. But about halfway through, I started coughing. Now the radiation has made my throat hurt like a bugger. Swallowing has been torture if I don't basically puree the food with my teeth. It has been like the worst case of strep throat EVAH! I did figure out a certain way of swallowing tiny bits with my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth, and it doesn't hurt as much. But this coughing was new, it was like a tickle that wouldn't go away. Rosemary found a lifesaver for me since sipping water wasn't helping. But it didn't help either.
By now my chest was hurting, I thought it was just the coughing. Then my nose completely stuffed up. That was when I wondered if I could be having an allergic reaction. The next part happened pretty quickly. My face and neck flushed and I got really hot. My neck and throat started feeling tight and I couldn't get a good breath. Rosemary took my vitals and saw that my blood pressure was low. She went to call the doctor and quickly came back and said she was stopping the meds.
I could barely talk, but I knew I needed to call someone in case I passed out. I called Jan who called Mom. Jan had the girls and I didn't want them to know what was going on, so Mom came down to the hospital. I also called John who left work and started driving home from the mountains.
In the meantime, Rosemary brought a steroid to counteract the reaction. I was starting to feel sick like I might vomit and my chest and head were killing me. I still was having trouble breathing, but I tried to stay calm and relax and let the steroid work. But I had the same feeling as when I hemorrhaged with Caroline's birth - total helplessness and being at the mercy of medical professionals. At least I was at a hospital! I want to mention here that I have an aunt who died from a reaction to the dye during a CT scan and of course, my mind went there. But I trusted Rosemary and I hadn't passed out yet. I just felt HORRIBLE!! Can I say that again, HORRRRIBLE!!!
But there is a happy ending, or else I wouldn't feel like writing this entry tonight. After the steroid, I began to feel a little better - breathing was easier and I wasn't nauseous anymore. Mom arrived and was able to drive me home. Rosemary told me it's common to have a reaction to Carboplatin when you take it again after initial treatment. And I read online tonight that reactions commonly occur during treatments 7-11. Essentially, I've had 9 treatments of Taxol/Carbo, 6 in '07 plus these 3. She said my body has just had enough and can't take it anymore. More than likely, Dr. S will switch me to another drug, Cisplatin, which is a sister drug to Carboplatin. But I've heard it has even worse side effects or else they would start with it - yay.
So it's been an eventful day. Thank you sooooo much to my sister, Jan, who kept the girls until John and I got ready to come get them. And to my mom who came to my rescue! I'm not sure I want to go to any more chemo treatments alone now, it's definitely no longer the "chemo spa", more like the "chemo nightmare"!! We'll see . . .
By the way, Lanie makes THE best chicken quesadillas and chocolate trifle, Beth makes THE best spaghetti casserole and caesar salad (you've actually started me on a caesar salad kick!), and Alecia makes THE best chicken in wine sauce (is that "coq au vin," Alecia? delicious!). At dinner the other night, Caroline said the blessing saying, "I'm sorry Mommy has cancer, but I'm glad we get all this food!" - mouths of babes!
Well, I'm going to try to go to bed now. I doubt I'll be sleeping much tonight with a double dose of steroids (they give you energy, and an appetite). At least I'm not raiding the fridge! Yet!!

Had a great 4th!

Back from the mountains last night. Do you love the 4th of July makeover I got while I was there? Rachel Rose does wonders!!

We had a great time, here are some photos http://picasaweb.google.com/young1710/4thOfJuly2010#. The fireworks in Highlands were amazing as usual. I have to thank all the people at Cullasaja who helped out with the girls all week long. And for all the other things they have done for us these past few weeks - the cards, the gifts, the prayers, all the thoughtful gestures. We truly have an extended family up there!

And then when we got home, we found an immaculate house! And dinner waiting in the fridge! Thanks to my dear friends here at home. I have never felt so blessed. Except for this cancer thing, life is good!

Quick update on the cancer thing - nausea was much better this time. I stayed ahead of it with pills round the clock. Saturday and Sunday were the worst, but they were by far better than last time! My biggest complaint now is my throat. The radiation is making it sore and hard to swallow. You know how you feel when you're trying not to cry and you get that lump in your throat? I have that feeling. It's so annoying! Hopefully, this is my last week for rads (that's the cool way we cancer people abbreviate!) and my throat will be able to get better.

Have a great week everyone!

2nd chemo down, 16 more to go

First, I just want to let y'all know I did not glow last night when the lights went out. I know y'all were worried! :)
So today was Chemo #2 and I did not get a window seat. But that's okay, I can't be the princess every time. I did get the same nurse, Rosemary, who is the sweetest lady. Every time she came to do something, she would ask, "Can I get you anything? A warm blanket, something to drink?" Around noon, she came to see if I would like a box lunch. Sure! So there I sat, no reclined, with a cozy warm blanket on my lap, 2 different drinks, my remote control to my own TV, and a lovely turkey on wheat with chips and cookies. Ahhhh . . . wonder if they have massage around anywhere, maybe a pedicure?
The treatment was fine. My blood counts are still good. She got a vein right away for the IV. And drugs went in like normal. The man in the cubicle next to me had a reaction to one of his drugs and broke out in hives. I felt so bad for him and so lucky for me. At least chemo is manageable for me, other people have fewer options.
The Benadryl hit me pretty hard today. I got real woozy and sleepy, but if I dozed off, I would jerk awake with the jittery/antsy/"restless leg syndrome" wiggles. It was a battle of involuntary reflexes.
It took a long time again. I got there at 9:40 and left at 2:20. I went straight over to radiation and they said my "color looked off". I looked at the mirror in the changing room and I looked gray, grayish-yellow, and I had dark circles under my eyes. Fabulous! Can't wait for the hair to fall out! Gray, dark circles, bald, no eyebrows - I'm sure that's what all the celebrities will be looking like this fall, right?!
I thought about going ahead and cutting and coloring my hair for fun. But you know, I like my hair as it is because right now it is totally natural. I'm going to miss my hair. I haven't even gotten it grown out to the point I want it yet. Still won't make a proper ponytail. But I have been looking at hats and the little cadet caps out in stores are really cute, I even saw a plaid one! I like hats.
We're going up to NC to spend the Fourth with John at his club. Gonna be tons'o'fun! And no nauseau, I forbid it! Have a great holiday everybody!