Monday, July 12, 2010

I wish I could fly

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to fly? The particular reason I am contemplating this superpower is that I have begun to dread my stairs. The chemo exhaustion is at its peak. I can barely walk through the house without taking breaks. The stairs are like Mount Everest. If a need arises that requires me to ascend them, for example, taking a shower, I first weigh the absolute necessity of the task - take a whiff of myself. Then I consider how long it could be put off - have the houseplants begun to wilt. If it truly is urgent, I then sit for a minute and collect all the other reasons I have to go upstairs - bring a daughter some toilet paper (she's only been sitting there for half an hour), turn off the alarm clock that's been buzzing, feed the hamster, and maybe throw down some laundry. Multi-tasking at its best.

So then I'm off, hoping I can reach the summit without oxygen. The first steps aren't too bad and thankfully, we have 2 landings that break up the climb. I take advantage of each one by flopping face down when I reach them to catch my breath. The last leg is achieved by crawling on hands and knees, but finally, I make it to the top! I pull myself over the last step and collapse in a huffing and puffing fit. Victory is sweet and I only wish I had a flag to stick to the handrail.

After a few minutes, I finally catch my breath or I fall asleep which happens too often. I'm able to stand up and complete my tasks. Mission accomplished!

Then the doorbell rings - dangit!


DJ said...

I want you to publish these thoughts as a book when you get through with this. What a wonderful blessing it would be to others going through the same thing. You honesty and humor are so touching. You truly have a gift of expressing yourself that makes me feel as if I am watching you do things. I can see you sitting on your deck and sipping coffee. I could feel your exhaustion climbing those stairs. I wanted to come over and pick you up and carry you. Why don't you let me come over one or two days and do that running up and down for you, while you rest? The girls and I would have some fun, and you would get much needed relief from the everyday necessary activities. I'd really love to do it.

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