Thursday, February 14, 2008

Last chemo over!

Even though today was my last chemo treatment, this ordeal doesn't feel completely over just yet. I still have the yuckies to get through this weekend (the nausea actually started with the alcohol swab before my IV was put in). Then I have a CT scan and a final doctor visit. I'm not officially discharged from the oncologist yet so maybe that's what I'm waiting for. I didn't even take the orange tiger stuffed animal (which is actually an elephant I discovered- don't know how I got that confused) while I was in the chair. Some of the ladies reminded me of it, they've named her "Roxie". But I decided to pass. Two of the ladies I spoke with today were there with recurrences. One had been battling ovarian cancer for 4 years, the other for 7. Both had had issues with chemo effects and had been hospitalized at various times for blood transfusions. I asked them where the recurrences happen since there is nothing left in our bellies. They said lymph nodes, aorta, and just randomly in the abdomen. I had no idea it could recur just hapharzadly like that . . . it's not like you can remove your abdomen (not that I haven't dreamed of just that - but I'm already short-waisted enough!!). I felt so badly for these women since it was my last treatment day. I kinda didn't want to rub it in by showing off "Roxie" in my lap. Then as I was finishing up, another lady had a reaction to her meds. She began flushing and burning up and they had to run to stop her IV. They started Benadryl immediately and called the dr to come. The dr put her on oxygen, then sat with her holding her hand until the side effects passed. No one left her side. We were all totally scared and couldn't do anything to help. She had the worst look on her face, an expression of pain, horrible discomfort, and fear. I'm sure she was terrified to what extent the reaction would affect her. When it was time for me to go, she was looking a little better and her husband was on his way. She still looked uncomfortable, but they said she was going to be fine. I just keep thinking how lucky I am. Indulge me a little gratitude prayer . . .

"Dear Lord, Thank you for all the blessings I have been granted during this ordeal - being stage one, catching it all and catching it early, allowing me to tolerate chemo so that I can have that safeguard, having wonderful doctors and having faith in them, having an amazing husband who treats me like a princess, having amazing friends and family who support me with help, prayers, and encouragement. And thank You for giving me patience and more patience to get through it all. It has not been easy, but I've had it much easier than most. Thank You for going easy on me! Amen"

I'll post later with the results of the CT scan. It's scheduled for Feb 28th, but I'm going to call in the morning to try and move it sooner. I want to KNOW!!! Then I'll see the dr to get the results. He'll probably mention again the scar revision surgery. Especially now since another area has begun bleeding (can you believe it!!!). What appears to be happening is old blood pockets are making their way to the surface. It gets real itchy, then bursts like a blood blister. Doesn't that sound lovely! I think all those old fluid pockets and scar tissue need to be removed. But I think I would rather wait and have the surgery in at least 6 months to give the chemo a chance to completely leave my body. And to give me a chance to lose about 20 pounds! I think a flatter tummy would help in making the scar not so indented, it's got too much flab hanging around it to smooth over!! Besides I'm ready to be vain! :-) These past few months it's been impossible for me to feel pretty no matter what kind of wigs, scarves, makeup, clothes I wear. I want to feel pretty again! I think getting back to my correct weight, getting my hair back, and losing my Frankenstein scar will be good for me. Now, if I can actually do it . . . what am I saying??? I made it through chemo!!! I can do anything!!!!


Timestep said...

What a wonderful post. I can't wait for your update at the end of the month.

I do know what you mean about feeling pretty at a more normal weight. DH loves how I look no matter what, and really hates when I get down on myself, but over the past year I've dropped 2 dress sizes and am more "myself" I just feel like "ME."

I'm sorry that your last chemo session wasn't without stress (but I guess that knowing that strange things can still happen (oh wait, we already know that all too well).

As much as I hate having surgery (and freak out a bit when being prepped - although it did help when I was more asleep than awake and didn't see the OR theatre), I'd probably have the scar revision. It sucks, but it is nicer to not have to worry about it.

CHEERS! Hope you are not too sick this weekend.

HaleyD said...