Monday, October 29, 2007

It has begun!

I had a feeling that today would be the day I noticed my hair coming out and sure enough, it has begun! I can now pull out a pretty good amount as you can see from the photo. Normally, no strands come out when I pull on my hair, not even one. So I know it's the chemo effect. Probably by Thursday or Friday it will all be gone. If it starts looking really gross, like I've got mange or something, I will buzz it all off. That's my worst fear - looking like a diseased dog!!

Mom told me about a place in Gainesville that allows you to get a wig at no cost, just a donation. I have an appointment for Friday. Since my insurance will not pay for one, this place is a blessing! Wigs are not cheap! I didn't think I wanted a wig for a while. I mean, I am lucky that my chemo does have an end point and I will grow my hair back. I thought I could manage with hats and head wraps for 3 to 4 months. But I am getting to the point that I want to be normal again. I am actually tired of my new blonde 'do. It's just not me and I'm anxious to be me again. All the side effects, whether they are from the chemo, the menopause, the surgery, or the medications, they just make me feel sick and not like myself. I know it's going to get worse before it gets better and I should get used to this other 'me' for a while. I just feel like I'm missing out on months of my life.

I should shut up now - it could be worse! I am lucky, lucky, lucky that they caught it early and only one round of chemo is all I need. I should be thanking God it's only months and not years. Lord, please help me remember to see the bright side!

On another note, my right side pain is back (grrrrrr!). I noticed it the most today so I called the dr. and they are setting up another CT scan. Hopefully, it is just another fluid pocket. They have been known to fill back up after being drained. Last time, it was such a relief when I had it drained. I would love to feel that relief again!

By the way, keep my mom in your thoughts this week. She's got a bad sinus infection and actually had to miss her treatment today because of it. Although I don't think she is too sad about that! But she does feel pretty crummy and I know she would appreciate some healing prayers.



Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

Jesus said that every hair of my headis numbered and that not one
shall perish without His knowing.

I ponder these words and hear Him say...

Draw close my child; let My love be your covering.

Feel My hands upon your hairless head and hear My tender words
of compassion and comfort.

Rest, relax, I will cover you
during this time of trial and tears.

And when your beautiful hair
has all grown back there will be
glory of a deep dimension because you have walked with Me.

-Angelina Fast-Vlaar

* * *

I have a blog I've been following for over a year now...I know she will bless your heart:

Timestep said...

On Saturday, Sarah and I finally mailed off the hair she had cut the last week of August. She mailed it off to Locks of Love. I realize that this organize doesn't help you directly, but I'm so grateful that there are groups that can help.

I told my hairdresser that I really wanted to grow my hair long enough to donate. She pretty much laughed at me, but it's been a long time goal of mine and it's looking nice enough that I just might pull it off (in another 3 years LOL).

As you know from all our other experiences, the desire to feel 'normal' is strong, yet is something that almost has to be redefined constantly.

I've been thinking about you and checking up to see how you are doing.

Take care and do nice things for yourself. (hope your mom is better soon).

kirhol from PPH