Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Plugging along . . .

Good news - my CA125 cancer marker is down. It is now 34.5 which is technically in the normal range! It has been as low as 6, so I don't think I'll feel totally reassured until it gets lower. But for now, it's something to celebrate. I wish I could say I felt great, but not so much. I cannot STAND chemo!!! My last treatment was Thursday and I was nauseous the whole time I was getting infused. I'm beginning to think it's a psychological thing because the minute I enter the the building, the wave hits. I can't even stand to watch the same shows that I normally watch during treatment. I used to enjoy "The Doctors" while I was in the chair. But now, even on normal days when I'm home, if I happen to see it while I'm channel surfing, a nausea wave hits. Even the bag I carry on chemo days has to be hidden away or it triggers me. I will be SO GLAD when I never have to have chemo EVER AGAIN!

This last treatment was number 8, but technically it was 4th in the 6-round series. I only have 2 more to go, which would seem like nothing. But uuuggghhhh, I can't think about it right now! I had the chemo on Thursday and Friday was okay in the afternoon, then in the evening the ickies hit. I had to have a Neulasta shot to keep my white counts from dropping and it has given me horrible leg aches. I'm still dealing with those. So Saturday and Sunday were spent writhing on the couch trying to get comfortable, making a mess in the kitchen trying to find foods that tasted normal, and popping pills to try and stay asleep. Thankfully, Mom and Jan took the girls for me and they actually got to enjoy the long weekend. Monday wasn't much better, but Tuesday things started looking up. Finally, today I am able to eat in small portions and not gag, and more importantly, drink something. It has been horrible to be so thirsty, but not able to taste anything good. Water with lemon is about all I can swallow. Unbelievably, though, I'm gaining weight! Something about chemo makes you blow up!! Bleh!!

Sorry for all the whining. It's just hard to stay positive at this point in the process. Chemo has a cumulative effect, so by now I'm pretty much hitting rock bottom. Even good days are dampened by the impending doom of the next treatment. I'm going to try to stay in the moment and appreciate the good stuff, not think about the bad. I need some mental endurance - cancer is more than the physical.

But I do want to continue saying thanks to everyone who is helping me out and is offering to help! I hate to think where I would be without my supporters!!


Mimi said...

Just keep hanging in there, BabyGirl. It will be over soon and hopefully NEVER again. I had my treatments on Monday and I told the nurses they had made me hate Mondays again. I hated them when I was in school, I hated them when I was working so the chemo was another dreaded Monday. I understand about the "weird feelings" that even associates your chemo world with your real world. We know you are brave and you'll get through this. The girls are doing fine and anytime you need me, I'm here. I love you bunches and bunches!

Julie W. said...

Only two more to to, you can do it! I cannot beging to empathize, but I do know that you have come this far that you are not going to stop now. The marker decrease is great news...keep it going down!!!

Alisha Dawn said...

Melinda how are feeling this week? You are almost done girl! Hang in there! I can't begin to imagine how you've handled all of this but you have and you are awesome! Love you!

rocky said...

Hey Melinda
Your not whining your voicing a opinion....
And with what your going though Whine away girl.
Prayers baby!!!!
Rocky :)
Say hello to the girls, sure do miss them, they were the lite in my tunnel during the 4th of July