Well, I thought things were going pretty good. On Monday, I had my staples pulled out. About 30 of them - thank goodness, the incision is still very numb! I was still having some drainage from the wound, but my dr assured me it was not infected. He said that since this surgery had come so soon after the first surgery that it was taking a while for my body to heal. Okay, I can deal with that. But then I started having pain on the right side of the incision and it felt hard under the skin. It would hurt so bad that it spread around to my back and down my leg. I ran another low-grade fever, so here I go calling the dr again. Of course they want me to come in today. This time I went by myself thinking they would just give me more pain pills and another antibiotic. But nooooo . . . he thinks the open and draining parts of the wound need packing and he wants me to go for a CT scan of the right side to check for fluid pockets. I hate to say, it freaked me out a little bit. Partly, because the packing is what I went through when I had the hemorrhage with Caroline. My wound then did not heal and they decided to keep it open and pack it daily. If you're not familiar with the packing process, it's where you take strips of gauze and using a q-tip, you stuff it into the openings of the wound as far as you can. Then the next day you pull it out with the idea that the gauze has soaked up a lot of the infection, throw it away and then you stuff it again with new gauze. Now there is no way I have a strong enough stomach to do this to myself. Bless John for doing it for me back then and for agreeing to do it again this time. They offered me a visiting nurse to come do it for me daily, but I can scream and cry at John more comfortably than a nurse!
So I endured one packing there in the office and then went to schedule my CT scan. I had not taken any pain meds since I had driven myself and I was beginning to hurt pretty badly, especially that right side. The nurse came to ask me about scheduling my chemo while I was waiting for the CT appointment. I guess I will have to start that before the incision is fully healed.
Finally, I was able to leave. I just wanted to get to my car and cry! John had gone into work and Mom was watching Rachel Rose for me. She had her own CT scan today, but wasn't able to drive herself since she had fallen last night and hurt her foot pretty badly. She needed an X-ray while she was at the hospital.
I started off to Mom's, but then the tears came . . . then the sobs . . . then the hyperventilation! I have had panic/anxiety attacks in the past, but it has been years since I've had a full-blown one. I guess I was due! I managed to pull into a parking lot and call John. He is usually able to calm me down before I totally pass out. So after staying with me on the phone and telling me to breathe over and over, I finally got control of myself and calmed down. If you've ever had an anxiety attack, you know what they're like. If you haven't ever had one, you are lucky!
After several minutes, I was able to drive and I made it to mom's. He left work right then and came to mom's then followed me back to our house. So I made it home safe at last!
I guess it all was building up and with all the good news I was getting, I had no reason for a meltdown. Then when a little bit of setback happened, the dam broke and I lost it! You can bet I won't be driving myself to dr appointments anymore!!
Anyway, I am better now. Still having intense pain on the right side. If the scan shows a fluid pocket is there, it will have to be drained. I go on Monday for the scan. And then for the next 2 weeks we will try the packing to see if the incision can heal from the inside out - Yuck!!!
Wish me lots and lots of bravery until this is all over!