Saturday, June 5, 2010

Waiting is hard

I keep reading on the internet . . . nothing is positive. I almost wish my connection would go down so I couldn't get online, but then that might be worse. I'm a believer that information is good, it prepares you for all the possibilities, good and bad. But there's a fine line between making yourself prepared and making yourself panicked!

Here's what I'm worrying about -

1. Supraclavicular lymph node enlargement has a 90% chance of malignancy.

2. Hard, unmoveable lumps that are matted together like mine are signs of malignancy.

3. The left node receives lymph flow from the abdomen and is a common site for ovarian cancer metastasis.

4. CA 125 usually becomes elevated as an early indication of recurrence before a tumor is discovered.

5. When ovarian cancer spreads to distant sites it is stage IV, and when it recurs it's treated with more CHEMO!!!

6. The average duration of survival after recurrence of ovarian cancer is 12 to 18 months. Fewer than one in ten patients survive beyond five years!

I remember when I was 9 weeks pregnant with Caroline, I began bleeding one morning. I knew that the main cause of first trimester bleeding was miscarriage. On the way to the dr, I prayed to God asking Him to find another reason for this bleed, anything but the obvious reason. I was asking for a loophole. When we arrived and the dr did an ultrasound, we saw a tiny, tiny baby and she was fine! Her heart was beating and she was perfect. I asked what caused the bleed and I was told that since we put back 2 embryos and only one of them developed, the bleeding was caused when the other embryo passed. It had not grown, but had probably partially implanted. It was considered a "vanishing twin" and was technically a miscarriage, but it was the second embryo, the one that we thought we'd lost from the beginning. We still had our baby, Caroline was okay. My reaction was, "Thank you, God!" He had found another reason for the bleed, a loophole. The obvious reason, the logical outcome, was avoided. I wasn't miscarrying Caroline. She was fine and went on to be a perfectly healthy baby and an amazing little girl (now big girl, but still perfect!).

So I know God can do anything. I just hate to ask Him again, I mean, how many near misses can I get! I'm hoping for one more.

1 comment:

Becca Lynn said...

Don't think of your prayers as pleas seeking "loopholes" . . . think of them like the Church of God folks say - "name it and claim it." Isaiah 53:5 says "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." No where in the Bible does He limit Himself . . . no where does He say you've asked too much. By His stripes we are healed. By His sacrifice we are saved. By His Grace, we are here. He is always on the throne. Never say you hate to ask Him for anything. He is your Heavenly Father. Go to Him with faith, believing and trusting and claiming. I love you . . .