Cyberknife may be a possiblity

Dr. Salmieri has sent my records to a Dr. Mark McLaughlin at Kennestone Hospital in Marietta. He is a radiation oncologist who specializes in Cyberknife. I have an appt with him on Monday to determine if I'm a good candidate for this treatment. Basically, it's high intensity radiation with a laser beam. It might work on those two remaining lymph nodes in my upper abdomen.

I've been feeling really great. My feet are getting that "pins and needles itchy" feeling which makes me believe the neuropathy is going away and sensation is coming back in them. My hair hasn't started growing back yet, but I check it every day! I'm still working and haven't had to take any sick days in a while. I'm hoping this is finally the end of the tunnel!

Biopsy cancelled

Apparently, they don't think they will be able to get to the lymph nodes in the center of my chest safely. So they cancelled the biopsy for tomorrow. I guess I'll wait for a call from Dr. S tomorrow to find out the next step . . .

Feeling more hopeful

I had my appt today with Dr. Salmieri today and I'm feeling a little more hopeful. He explained that the lymph nodes lighting up in my abdomen are not new, they were there originally. And they are going away. They may just need a little more time to get rid of entirely. Or, they may need more chemo (blech!!). I am going for a biopsy tomorrow to see if they are "necrotic" meaning dying, or if they are still active. After those results, Dr. S said he would feel more confident about making a decision regarding my future treatments (or lack thereof!!).

He said there is a possibility of radiation to those nodes, specifically the "cyberknife." But, since the nodes are right in the center of my chest/top of my stomach, the radiation would have to go through some major organs and I might have some bad effects. If it's anything like my throat was, I might want to pass on the radiation. He said one patient of his had part of her intestines burned away and had to have general surgery to resect them - yikes!

So it's more wait and see. The biopsy results will take a few days, so I probably won't find anything out until after the weekend.

Scan results - good, but not clean

I talked with Beth, the nurse practitioner, yesterday afternoon about my scan results. Overrall, she said they were good. The lymph nodes in my neck and near my breast bone are cleared up. But there are still some in my abdomen that are lighting up, aka suspicious. She said Dr. S might want to biopsy them, if that's possible to do, to see what's going on there. She mentioned the possibility of more chemo (I don't think so!), but we will discuss all that at my appointment on Wednesday.

So, for all that I've been though - radiation and chemo - I am better. Just not totally in the clear. My latest CA125 blood test was at 31, in the normal range, but not as low as it was before all this started.

I don't know what "cured" is supposed to look like for me now. Maybe "cured" is no longer an option and I can only expect "controlled" or "stable" as the best result. That would be great! I just know I am READY TO BE NORMAL AGAIN! I am so over worrying about my health and future treatment! I want my hair back, I want my feet not to be numb anymore, I want to be able to climb the stairs without getting winded, I want to not get nauseated at the slightest smells, I want to be able to focus all my attention on John and the girls instead of myself . . .

No one should have to be in constant fear of not being able to live their life normally. I should be concentrating on mundane, trivial, everyday things - housework, yardwork, making dinner, reading with my kindergartner, walking my dog . . . . . Instead I'm wondering if I am going to feel like getting off the couch from day to day. I have begun to hate my couch, can't stand how it feels or how I feel lying on it. There's no place where I can relax anymore and I realize it's not the place, it's my own body I want to get out of. For 20 weeks now, my body has been torturing me.

I truly don't believe cancer is an automatic death sentence, but it is most definitely a "prison" sentence. Except, you don't get to know the length of time it will last. Ugh. In the meantime, I'll keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Will post again after dr appt on Wednesday.

Time for scans . . . and prayers!

Tomorrow, Tuesday, is my scan day! I'll be having a PET scan and CT scans. The PET is a fully body scan used to detect high metabolic activity, aka cancer. Areas of suspicion will light up like Christmas tree lights. I'm hoping for that typical strand of dead lights! Not a good thing for decorating a tree, but perfect for cancer detection!

I have my next appt with Dr. S a week from tomorrow. I'm hoping to get the results before then, ideally before the weekend. Will post as soon as I know. Of course, I appreciate constant prayers until then!

Dear Lord, I pray for complete healing and permanent recovery. Your power and grace are infinite and I know that You can do miracles. I turn all my worry over to You and trust that You will make me well. I know You can make it happen and I believe.

Dehydration evil

So I had my treatment on Monday. Supposedly my last one. It went pretty well. I slept through most of it which is always a good thing. Tuesday, Mom came over to help with the girls and spend the night. I took advantage of the extra help and stayed asleep as much as possible. Normally, this would be a good thing, but I ended up not staying hydrated. In fact, I barely ate or drank anything for two days. So Wednesday afternoon, I got up from a long nap and went downstairs to get a glass of water. As I was filling up the glass I could feel myself blacking out, sort of like a head rush. I made my way to the kitchen table and sat down, then apparently I slumped over and was out. Mom was downstairs doing some laundry and she saw me going down. When I didn't wake up, she called 911. I had spilled the water and she started putting ice on the back of my neck. I roused up and finally came to before the EMT's arrived. I was pretty sure my blood sugar had dropped and I'd had a serious head rush from being asleep so long. But the EMT's suggested I go to the hospital to get checked out since I had never done anything like this before. So off we went . . . in the ambulance. Thank goodness, they did not run the sirens.
At the hospital, they did a test to see if I was dehydrated. They had me lie down flat and took my blood pressure. It was fine. Then they had me sit up and they took it again. Still fine. Then they had me stand up and took it again. I was barely able to stand long enough for them to take it before I got woozy again and really nauseous. When they did get a reading, it was like 60/30. So apparently, I was dehydrated! They ended up giving me 2 liters of fluids and told me I would've kept passing out every time I stood up if I hadn't come in to the ER.
They also did a CAT scan of my head to make sure there was nothing wrong with my brain causing me to lose consciousness. Thankfully, it checked out fine. Seriously, it did!
So I finally got to come home after they did the standing test again and I passed. John came home and was there with me. Jan came over before he could get there. And mom stayed home to get the girls for me. I think I scared her pretty bad. My poor mother . . . what she has to go through with herself and now with me!
Today I'm feeling okay, just typical weakness and naseau from the chemo. This is supposed to be my last treatment, but when I went to see Dr. S last week, he tried to tell me that I would need two more treatments. He explained that the normal course is 6 rounds of every three weeks. Since I began with 2 weekly rounds, they wouldn't count toward the 6. I don't think so! We're going to do a PET scan in a couple of weeks and see where we stand. If it's good, then I get to stop. So I am praying, and praying, and praying! These treatments are getting worse every time. They have a cumulative effect and I hate to think how bad it could get if I had to have any more. Will keep you posted soon!

Not much is new

Not too much new is happening with me . . . we did find a new home for Cisco and so we are down to one dog, Penny. We've been able to keep her inside and it's working out really well. She's a sweetheart!

I made it through the ickies of my last treatment and went back to work this past week. I am fighting a chest cold of some kind and have had a horrible cough the past few days. I had to leave work early on Thursday and then Friday was pretty miserable. But today is Saturday and I plan on resting up this weekend, so I'll be good to go for next week. One more week of work, then one more week off for treatment, then I should be able to start back to normal.

The girls and I have been enjoying this great weather and getting ready for Halloween. So far we have watched Halloweentown I, Halloweentown II, and Halloweentown High . . . AND they are all on DVR so I'm sure we'll be watching them quite a bit more!!! Gotta love the Disney Channel! John is still in NC until December, but we are planning to go up and visit next weekend. We have only been able to go up twice this season, normally we go up every weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing the mountains in the fall, they never fail to impress!

Well, our objective today is to find Halloween costumes . . . if there are any left! Wish us luck!!