Happy Easter!

The itching has gotten some better. I've been taking antihistamines every few days and the flare-ups are fewer and far between. Mom actually is convinced it's not hives, but instead it's shingles. I've never had shingles before and from what I understand shingles begins with a rash that doesn't go away but makes blisters. My episodes begin with itching, then welts, no blisters yet. I'm planning to talk to my doctor about it when I go in a couple of weeks. It's not so bad anymore and definitely manageable. I've read about menopause hives and I really do think it's just a hormone thing.

My diet is going very well and I've actually lost a pound or two. Better than that, my clothes fit looser - woohoo!!! I might even attempt a bikini this summer. My goal is in 3 months when my hair is long enough to go without a hat or scarf, I'll be at my ideal weight. I'd like to plan a day of getting my hair styled in a new short 'do and then go shopping for a tiny new outfit . . . and actually be able to wear it!!!

For Spring Break we'll be in and out of town all week, spending some time with John up in the mountains. He started back the first of March and has had weekends off this month, then beginning in April he'll be back to working six days a week. Now that I am back to my old self, he should be able to work as much as he needs to. And with me staying home this year, he's got more flexibilty. I would like to find something part-time for next year, but Rachel Rose still has one more year of preschool and it's tough to find a job to fit her schedule. Maybe just one more year of staying home . . . it's not like I'm hating it, to tell the truth!!!

Hope you all had a nice Easter!

HIVES!!!

I only thought I was smart! But it took me this long to put two and two together and realize the itching I've been having for months is HIVES! Ever since my surgery when my ovaries were removed and I was thrust into menopause Hades, I've been having itching episodes. Horrible, drive me up the wall, scratch til I bleed itching. All over - my arms, legs, hands, feet, back, stomach. It's awful when it happens. Thankfully, it only lasts from 30-45 minutes. But I just scratch and scratch, sometimes I get in the tub with Aveeno, then slather on lotion til I'm more slippery than soap! I've tried anti-itch cream, but it's no good. It wasn't until today that I noticed the scratching made welts all over the area that I got the idea it might be hives. And when I googled it (don't you just love that expression!), sure enough that's what I've got!!! Now the question is, what am I reacting to? Hives is always from an allergic reaction to something. I took an antihistamine this afternoon after a lovely spell of frantic clawing at my legs and I think it helped. I still think it's from a hormone imbalance because I haven't changed anything I've eaten, done laundry with, or anything I can think of. It all started the moment my ovaries came out and I began hormone replacement. I'm going to start keeping an "itch journal" to see if I can figure out what triggers the episodes. In the meantime, I am going to begin natural hormones that the wonderful hormone doctor gave me today. After 4 weeks, he'll do some blood tests to check my levels and then tweak my dosages if he needs to. Hopefully, I will get everything back to somewhat normal, at least a liveable normal!

And on the topic of "C", did you hear that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer?! I'm telling you, EVERYone is getting it! I'm convinced it's coming from the environment - there's gotta be something that we're eating, breathing, something is out there that is making it more prevalent. I've heard of all these diets and vegetarian lifestyles that are supposed to prevent cancer, maybe there's something to it all, maybe eating all natural foods is going to prove to be The Cure . . . just in case, I'll be having a salad for dinner! :-)

Still okay

Just a quick post to say I saw my oncologist today. He confirmed the all-clear results from my CT scan. Have to say I was a little afraid of a bad surprise today. You know they told me after my original cyst was removed that everything was benign, then at my follow-up dr visit he told me that cancer showed up after the pathology came back. I felt like I was back in the 80's and getting the "Sike!" But no, it's all still okay. He did say the highest chance of recurrences statistically happens within the first year after treatment. So, I will continue to see him monthly for check-ups. At six months, I'll have another scan and if it's clean, then I will see him every two months. And so on and so on. I feel pretty good that I will be getting monitored so closely. Better than the average person who could be walking around with a cancer timebomb unknowingly growing in their body. But, at the same time, it would be nice to go back to my life pre-"C". Carefree, oblivious, and with hormones!!! (I'm seeing the hormone dr on Wednesday).

I remember just before I got diagnosed, I had this view of the population as split between those who get cancer and those who don't. And I took it for granted that I would be in the "not cancer" group because it seemed like such an unlikely thing to happen to a normal person like me. Wooops! Now I see cancer as a much more common occurrence. So MANY people are getting cancer. A lot of them, thankfully, are like me and find it early and undergo successful treatment. And a lot are like my mom who deal with it as a chronic but treatable condition. And this way, it's not quite so scary anymore, it's not the "death sentence" it used to be thought of. It's just a part of life in 2008. An evil part, of course! I just pray that a cure or vaccine will be found soon so that my girls don't have to even worry about it!

The results are in . . .

Got the call yesterday . . . scan results are GOOD! Her exact words were "unremarkable." And that's a good thing. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a plain ole unremarkable belly. Maybe a little flabby and jiggly, but nothing cancerous. WWHHEEEWWWWW!!!!! I will see the dr on Monday for my follow-up and I'm hoping he releases me for at least 6 months. He will probably mention the scar revision surgery, since I now have 2 areas that continually open up, drain, scab over, then open up again. Pretty yucky! But I've decided to wait at least 4-6 months before doing anything about it. Give the chemo the most time to completely leave my system and give me a chance to lose 25 pounds. Yep, I started today with my diet and exercise plan! I'm doing "Body for Life" after John's dr recommended it to him for getting in shape. John is following it too, though not as closely as I will. I've got my daily meals planned out, my exercise regime organized, I even have a notebook to keep me on track! Anal-retentive, that's me! I'm hoping to lose some weight, but mainly I just want to get healthy again. The hormone thing makes me crazy most of the time with hot flashes, night sweats, and torturous ITCHING. I've scratched so hard in places that I have bruises! Exercise and eating right will probably help those issues. Plus, I am going to see a dr who specializes in hormone replacement next week. Maybe he will get them sorted out for me.

So that's it!!! Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. Through God, all things are possible - AMEN!!! I will post next after my drs appointments. I feel like this journey is over in some ways, but until my calendar is empty of dr appointments, I won't feel totally free!

Yuckies are over, whew!!!

I'm finally feeling better. Boy, this last round was a humdinger! I actually vomited!!! Three times!!! I know, I know, for most people it's not a big deal. But I avoid at all costs allowing myself to upchuck. I'll eat crackers, use a cold cloth, lock my lips, whatever it takes. But this time there was no way it was not going to happen. I was sick, sick, sick! Secretly, I think they give you an extra dose on your last treatment for good measure and this was the case with me. Just to make sure the microscopic stinkers are totally gone for good. Well, I guess I'll take it if it means I will never have to be hooked up that chemo poison again. Blehhhhhhh! It is evil stuff.

My CT scan is still on for the 28th. I tried to move it sooner, but they wouldn't let me. Then I see the dr on March 3rd. Please pray for a clean bill of health! In case you are curious like me, I looked back and found the date of my initial gyn checkup that started off this awful chain of events. It was June 26, 2007. That's when the cyst was found. It was removed on August 21, then I was told there was cancer on August 28. My big surgery was on September 19 and chemo began on October 15. Maybe by this next June my hair will be back and I'll be back to normal.

I'll post next with my final results. Please keep praying for me. I don't like to ask God for specific things. Usually, I just pray for peace and strength to handle what His will brings. But this time I have a certain outcome that I'm asking for - HEALTH!!! I hope He doesn't mind just this once! :-)

Last chemo over!

Even though today was my last chemo treatment, this ordeal doesn't feel completely over just yet. I still have the yuckies to get through this weekend (the nausea actually started with the alcohol swab before my IV was put in). Then I have a CT scan and a final doctor visit. I'm not officially discharged from the oncologist yet so maybe that's what I'm waiting for. I didn't even take the orange tiger stuffed animal (which is actually an elephant I discovered- don't know how I got that confused) while I was in the chair. Some of the ladies reminded me of it, they've named her "Roxie". But I decided to pass. Two of the ladies I spoke with today were there with recurrences. One had been battling ovarian cancer for 4 years, the other for 7. Both had had issues with chemo effects and had been hospitalized at various times for blood transfusions. I asked them where the recurrences happen since there is nothing left in our bellies. They said lymph nodes, aorta, and just randomly in the abdomen. I had no idea it could recur just hapharzadly like that . . . it's not like you can remove your abdomen (not that I haven't dreamed of just that - but I'm already short-waisted enough!!). I felt so badly for these women since it was my last treatment day. I kinda didn't want to rub it in by showing off "Roxie" in my lap. Then as I was finishing up, another lady had a reaction to her meds. She began flushing and burning up and they had to run to stop her IV. They started Benadryl immediately and called the dr to come. The dr put her on oxygen, then sat with her holding her hand until the side effects passed. No one left her side. We were all totally scared and couldn't do anything to help. She had the worst look on her face, an expression of pain, horrible discomfort, and fear. I'm sure she was terrified to what extent the reaction would affect her. When it was time for me to go, she was looking a little better and her husband was on his way. She still looked uncomfortable, but they said she was going to be fine. I just keep thinking how lucky I am. Indulge me a little gratitude prayer . . .

"Dear Lord, Thank you for all the blessings I have been granted during this ordeal - being stage one, catching it all and catching it early, allowing me to tolerate chemo so that I can have that safeguard, having wonderful doctors and having faith in them, having an amazing husband who treats me like a princess, having amazing friends and family who support me with help, prayers, and encouragement. And thank You for giving me patience and more patience to get through it all. It has not been easy, but I've had it much easier than most. Thank You for going easy on me! Amen"

I'll post later with the results of the CT scan. It's scheduled for Feb 28th, but I'm going to call in the morning to try and move it sooner. I want to KNOW!!! Then I'll see the dr to get the results. He'll probably mention again the scar revision surgery. Especially now since another area has begun bleeding (can you believe it!!!). What appears to be happening is old blood pockets are making their way to the surface. It gets real itchy, then bursts like a blood blister. Doesn't that sound lovely! I think all those old fluid pockets and scar tissue need to be removed. But I think I would rather wait and have the surgery in at least 6 months to give the chemo a chance to completely leave my body. And to give me a chance to lose about 20 pounds! I think a flatter tummy would help in making the scar not so indented, it's got too much flab hanging around it to smooth over!! Besides I'm ready to be vain! :-) These past few months it's been impossible for me to feel pretty no matter what kind of wigs, scarves, makeup, clothes I wear. I want to feel pretty again! I think getting back to my correct weight, getting my hair back, and losing my Frankenstein scar will be good for me. Now, if I can actually do it . . . what am I saying??? I made it through chemo!!! I can do anything!!!!

Bad mammogram scare!

Last week I had my regular mammogram screening. Wouldn't you know, it showed something suspicious! Of course, given my history, I freaked out a little bit. I called every doctor I was seeing to ask if it could be cancer. And can you believe, not one of them was willing to confirm or deny a cancer diagnosis! They all said I needed an ultrasound. So I got one scheduled and I just came back from it. Good news, it's not cancer! I have several lumpy bumps that are just plain ole cysts. And cysts cannot be cancer, ever, not even if they grow and change. A cyst is a cyst, not a malignant tumor. Of course I asked how could they be sure, didn't they know that I was already being treated for a form of cancer and I had a long history of breast cancer in my family. She explained that a cyst is smooth like a marble and a malignancy would look more like a hairy blob. I looked over at the screen and all my lumpy bumps were perfectly smooth. Okay, I was convinced. They don't even want me to come for a follow-up in 6 months. I can go back to my regular yearly screening. Wheeeewwww! Now I can just focus on my last chemo treatment and getting through the yuckies that always follow. And then I'll have some scans done to make sure there is no leftover cancer in my belly (or anywhere else). Then, maybe, just maybe I'll be done! I'm actually beginning to get a glimpse of my old life back . . . no more needle pricks, no more misery on the couch, no more scarves(!!!!!!), no more drawing on eyebrows, no more dripping nose (without nose hairs your nose runs out of control), and no more doctor bills!!!! No, I shouldn't say that . . . it's going to take us forever to pay off all these bills!

So think of me on Thursday (Valentine's Day) as I'm sitting in the chemo chair for the last time, hopefully EVER! I'll have that orange tiger stuffed animal with me and I'll be saying my goodbye's. Goodbye and farewell, chemo patient, take care of yourself so that I never have to see you again!!!